Cakap Cakap by Si Arnab Gemok

Assalamualaikum Currently listening: 1. Falling Like The Stars - James Arthur 2. Hold Me While You Wait - Lewis Capaldi Though we just entered December, I gotta say I am so over 2019 already. This year has been really something for me. So many going ons, physically and emotionally. But then again, who am I kidding right? Honestly, I have been saying I had tough year since, urm I donno, 2014? Part of me know what is my biggest struggle since the said year. And by God, the struggle ain't getting any easier. In fact, it's getting super hard each year. And I feel like I'm drowning most of the time. Like I'm losing my grip over my whole emotions. I don't really like to talk about my feelings much with people. I mean, "hate" would be a strong word to use but it is true. I hate confiding in people, not because I have trust issue. But I hate it when people say I am being a crybaby who is not grateful and to blind to see how blessed my l...

Assalamualaikum As promised, I'm gonna share my laparoscopy experience in this post. To those who haven't read the first part, do check it out here: 61st: I Got Two Holes On My Belly (Part 1)   . First thing first, let me do some disclaimer. This is a personal experience of mine and it is not gonna be the same for everyone.  But I really hope that what I'm about to share can give extra courage to those who are going to undergo the same procedure. As I have mentioned before,  Dr Hamid Arshat  advised me to undergo a laparoscopy procedure in order to get thorough view sebab masa initial scanning tak nampak any cyst or fibroid inside my uterus. But based on my monthly period pain, Dr Hamid said there must be some reasons as to why it happens so frequently. It didn't take much (actually it didn't take anything at all except for Dr Hamid's words) to convince me to go under the knife (but laparoscopy procedure takde belah-belah pun so yeay...

Assalamualaikum People who are close to me mostly know that I have a serious period pain problem. I've been living with this monthly issue for years, as far as I remember my period pain started when I was around 15 or 16. Orang kata alah bisa, tegal biasa. Well, guess what, NOT for period pain (those who know, MUST know what I mean). It ain't easy living with this condition. Back then, I had to skip school or call my parents to pick me up at school because of the unbearable pain. And when I entered university, the pain still hasn't go away. Numerous lectures I was absent from and some lecturers did give me a hard time and even made jokes about it (come to think about it, those jokes were quite sexist. Curse you, Baby Boomers, who aren't woke enough to learn sensitivity!). But the worst, is now. Two words = Working life. You know how your job just won't give you a chance to take a break even when you feel like you're dying? And your boss and col...

CONFESSION BY: Someone who overthinks a lot lately and this might not be at all happening as she's currently overthinking. This feels familiar. The air when the situation has gone silence for a while. That cold air in a dark empty room. The "I wish this never happened". It will always burn and end anyways. Who am I kidding right?? It's too good to be true. Time and time again when it started, I tell myself "Why are you acting so dumb? Thinking that this could end the other way around?" It's time to be true to yourself. You are better off alone anyways. Happier in fact. Although you are the happiest when love comes to greet you, you know there's that worry feeling because it never works out. Maybe it's cause of YOU. Have you ever think of that before? Time for a reality check, missy. There I go, too harsh on my own self yet again. Have faith though, it will definitely make you stronger. I won't lose faith, insyaAllah. ...

Assalamualaikum Dear Syu, I miss you! It's been just 2 days but I miss you so much already!!! In fact, Yuo and Aifa also miss you!!! We talk about how much we miss your antics, your contagious laughter, your funny and overly dramatic responses to practically anything. Gosh Syu, you really know how to make people miss you!! There are so many memories of you that are still so vivid and feels like they just happened yesterday. Your all time favorite salahkan-kaki-kecik-sebab-tu-always-nak-jatuh theory. "Alah aku kan tinggi. Kaki aku kecik so tak stabil." Seriously Syu?? Your feet are at fault? You literally trip over nothing, Syu. And yes, your signature nak termuntah act before every presentation during our Diploma years. Duh, who could ever forget that? "Korang, aku rasa aku tak boleh present weyh. Aku nervous. Wekkk *with the most dramatic gagging sound*." Every time you do that, Yuo, Aifa and I would smack you without fail and say ...

Assalamualaikum Have you guys ever fall in love with this one baju of yours that you guys could wear them EVERY SINGLE DAY without feeling bored and each time you put it on, you feel empowered and super confident? Well, I have. In fact, numerous times since I learned the language of style. Gitchew~ My obsession started with one of my dresses when I was around 3 to 4 years old. I still remember the exact design of the dress. White and red in color. The dress is adorned with 3 dimensional tomatoes (the tomatoes literally hang from the front part of the dress). I tell you, it's really cute. I mean that's why my mom bought it for me right. But I fell too deeply in love with it that I wanted to wear the dress, like I said earlier, EVERY. SINGLE. DARN. DAY. Behold the collection of my childhood photos. See that magnificent tomatoes dress? Yup, that's the one guys! I even smiled proudly some more while wearing it. My parents saw the seriousness of the ...

Assalamualaikum Oh hey, guess what? This is my third post this year. Wow, I'm on fire guys!! I have been thinking since I wrote my last post as to why lately I seem to be losing touch to blog. I mean, I just don't get what is wrong with me? I still love writing and membebel-ing. But I feel that my writing skill has declined a.k.a. mereput a.k.a. sendu big time. So after many sleepless nights of thinking (or more likely Netflix binge-watching), I've come to a conclusion: I am everywhere but here . I mean, my body is here, my fingers are typing but my mind keeps going wild you know. Sometimes while I'm writing, I keep thinking " Ada lagi ke orang baca blog nowadays?" or "Who will read this?" or "Will people think I'm lame for still blogging about my personal life?" coz you know now blog is all about being a marketing tool to sell oneself, therefore this blog is totally out of question coz we all know how minimal I blog and...

Assalamualaikum First and foremost, I wanna wish everyone a very Happy Ramadan!! We are already in week 3 and may Allah ease the remaining days of the month for us. InsyaAllah~ I have been absent from blogging for months. To be honest, I really wish I could write more. There's so many things going on in my mind lately. And I have been thinking of ways to put them all out there. It's not because I don't have time to write. I do have plenty (last month I was on a 1-month half paid leave. But we'll get there later). It is more of because I find it very difficult for me to express them. And that really bugs me you know. I mean, I have been really dedicated to my blog since I started it back in 2013 (well at least for the first few years. After that I have been quite busy starting my career and stuffs. But you know what I mean right). I feel very confident and comfortable to write about what's on my mind here. And ideas just flow from my brain right to ...

Assalamualaikum Hi guys!!! Happy 2019!!! By the way, my entry title is just so random. I don't have anything big planned for this year actually. I just wanna have a peaceful, less conflict, less drama, less shenanigan and I donno, maybe some time off from work (?). We are 2 months deep into 2019 and I am still not over the fact that 2018 has gone by just like that. I traveled quite a lot last year (gosh, saying 2018 as last year is so weird. I'm still not used to it). Lots of first times for me. First time visiting Indonesia (Medan). First time going overseas with my husband, just the two of us (Bali). First time organized my family overseas vacation without using any travel agency (Perth). First time working in a small Ministry (Kementerian Wilayah Persekutuan). Also lots of second times as well. Second time traveling overseas with my in-laws (Medan). Second time having miscarriage. Second time low key hating to move to a new Ministry. But I wen...